


complicated

by allofmystudensrunaway



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Bajorans, Canon Universe, Cunnilingus, During Canon, Emotional Baggage, Enthusiastic Consent, Episode: s05e14 Conundrum, Episode: s05e17 The Outcast, Episode: s05e24 The Next Phase, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Gratuitous Smut, Inspired by Star Trek: The Next Generation, Next Generation, Starfleet, Starship Enterprise (Star Trek), Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22901869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofmystudensrunaway/pseuds/allofmystudensrunaway
Summary: okay, set just immediately after season fives 'powerplay', this fix it deals with the time Will and Ro slept together (while suffering amnesia in s5x14 conundrum) and apart from a brief allusion in another episode, it is NEVER mentioned again..and that is clearly a crock of poop. so here have some smutty angst with Will and Ro, cause there is no way they didn't do it one more time.. or two..or three...and why did Ro run off to take advanced tactical training?
Relationships: Ro Laren/William Riker
Comments: 13
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

The day had been long, the mission had been to say the least, odd and Ro Laren was bone tired. ‘a long bath and a drink’, she promised herself as she crossed the bridge to the turbo-lift.   
“Hold the doors,” Riker called as he emerged from Picard’s ready room and jogged up the ramp. Laren tried really hard not to let her dismay show on her face, she also firmly pushed away the little tremor of anticipation that raised goosebumps on her neck. Riker gave her a tight little smile and stood as far away from her as the lifts small space would allow.   
“Deck eight” she told the computer, “Commander?”  
“Same, I need to get some shut eye.” he leaned against the ‘lift wall, shoulders sagging and stifling a yawn.  
“How’s your arm?”   
“it’s a little stiff still.” he flexed his forearm, wincing a little as he straightened it. “Weird day.” Ro was impressed, it was the longest non work related sentence Riker had uttered in her presence for days.  
“Yeah, it’s not everyday disembodied criminals possess senior crew members.” Laren rubbed aching neck muscles and groaned. “That was not a sentence I thought I would ever say.”  
“Never a dull moment on this ship.” Will chuckled, he still wasn’t looking at her. He seemed to be entirely fascinated by the turbo-lifts carpet, scuffing the tip of his boot backwards and forwards. Laren wasn’t sure how to respond and the attempt at small talk died as the seconds ticked by slowly, the silence was smothering. She closed her eyes for a moment stealing herself, they couldn’t go on like this. The whole thing was getting ridiculous.  
“Are we ever going to talk about what happened?”  
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.” he countered softly, still steadfastly refusing to meet her gaze. “you made it pretty clear how you feel.” he shrugged and folded his arms tightly.  
“Did I bruise your ego”  
“I’ll admit I am a little hurt.”  
“Why?”Laren couldn’t help the incredulity in her tone, Riker actually seemed genuinely upset.   
“Because-you know” he spread his hands wide, Ro tried really hard not to notice the way his cheeks and the tops of his ears suddenly flushed bright red.  
“No Commander, I don’t know. Care to explain?” he shot her a wretched look and shook his head.  
“Forget it” the lift doors opened and he stepped through. Ro followed him, their quarters were in the same section after all, it wasn’t like she was deliberately following him. She studied his back as he retreated down the corridor. Riker seemed determined to get as far away from her as he could. He quickened his stride, shoulders hunched eyes resolutely fixed on the deck. He looked, for want of a better word, miserable. Ro sighed, they really couldn’t go on like this. It had been almost easier when they hated each other.  
“Will, wait” She had to jog to catch up. He halted and waited for her. “you are right, we should talk about this.” she folded her arms over her chest, trying to hide her awkwardness. “But not in the corridor, I don’t need to hear any more gossip about me,” she saw understanding in his eyes and found herself holding his gaze for longer than was strictly necessary; she had always liked Riker’s eyes, they were so very blue.   
“Okay, my place is closer,” Ro saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down frantically and tore her eyes away. They walked the last few steps to Will’s quarters in a brittle uneasy silence.

“What happened, that wasn’t me. I don’t do that.” the words tumbled out of her mouth as soon as the doors shut on them.  
“It wasn’t me either,”  
“You went after the counsellor as well” Laren pointed out.  
“I’m not like that, not any more.”  
“Could have fooled me.” the words slipped out before she could stop them. Will went very quiet he shook his head laughing to himself.   
“Everybody thinks I’m some kind of play boy.”  
“You do kind of give off that impression.”   
“So I enjoy sex, is that wrong?”he shrugged violently and turned away to stare morosely out of the window.   
“What is the problem here?”  
“Do you regret it? Being with me.” he demanded. Laren drew back a pace, her cheeks were growing hot.  
“come on, Will we had amnesia” she stuttered. But, she had wanted him that much was true. She hadn’t worried who he was or who she was. Cheeks burning with mortification, she paced round Will’s quarters pretending to examine the contents of his shelves.   
“So you do regret it.” he poured himself a drink. “Thanks, I don’t.” he muttered when she didn’t answer. He tossed the whisky down his throat and poured himself another one.   
“I really didn’t think you were this fragile.”  
“Well you don’t know me do you, not really.” Will threw himself down on the couch and pinched his nose.   
“Maybe I don’t want to.” she pulled a book from the shelf and flicked through it’s pages. She read a few lines then snapped it shut, “Earnest Hemingway, really?”  
“So I like classic writers, I like jazz too. Why don’t you want to know me?”  
“all you ever do is reprimand me, nothing I do makes any difference because you have already made up your mind about me.” she slotted the book back into it’s place, “You didn’t even give me a chance.”  
“I’m sorry.”he muttered, taking her by surprise. “I should have made more of an effort.”  
“Don’t say that.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because I’m trying to remind myself why I hate you.” she walked across the room and stood over him. Will peered up at her, frowning.  
“Why do you want to hate me?” it was, Laren had to admit, a valid question.   
“Can I sit?” she pointed to the couch. Silently Will shifted over. Laren sat down, clasped her hands in her lap and let out a deep breath.“maybe I just don’t like the way you see me.”  
“That makes two of us,” Will stared into his glass and took a slow sip. Ro wondered what he was thinking. “I guess it’s because-” he paused biting his lip, “I’ve done things. What happened to you could have happened to me. I guess I don’t like being reminded.”  
“What did you do?”  
“Nothing I’m allowed to talk about.” Bitterness roughened his voice, Laren sensed a deep wound there. She recognised that kind of pain, that kind of guilt; it was an old friend.  
“how bad was it?”  
“People died, friends of mine.” he shifted, hunched in on himself.   
“How many?”She reached out, gently pulled the glass from his fingers and placed it carefully on the coffee table.  
“A lot”  
“Could you have stopped it? Saved them?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“That is the kicker isn’t it when you don’t know.”  
“Yeah it stinks. I’m sorry about what happened to you, it wasn’t fair.”  
“That’s the thing Will, I don’t know if it was fair or not. I don’t know what I could have done differently.”   
“Laren, Why are you telling me this?”  
“So you know it’s not just you. Recently, I’ve learned it’s not good to try and carry everything yourself,” she shrugged.“And by the way, I don’t regret it.” she reached out and squeezed his hand, “I want to and I probably should, but I don’t.”  
“Do you mean that? Or are you just trying to make me feel better?”  
“Do you feel better?”  
“A bit” Will admitted shyly, he half smiled at her and there it was again. Like a little jolt of plasma racing up her spinal cord dragging blood and heat in it’s wake. Her own heartbeat was suddenly very loud.   
“It was almost nice not remembering anything,” a dark chuckle escaped her, “to not worry about anything for once. No baggage, no worrying about what people think.” Ro realised she was chewing her thumb nail like a child and whipped it out of her mouth. She glanced up at Will wandering if he had noticed, he was grinning at her.  
“wow, that was cute”  
“I am not cute. I’m gonna go.”Abruptly, She stood up.  
“You don’t have to,” Naked invitation in his eyes. Laren hesitated, she had let herself be free with him, he had seen her completely undone. No one had ever seen her like that, she hadn’t ever let herself be that vulnerable. Slowly, Will got to his feet. “I mean-stay if you want.”  
Taking an experimental step closer she looked up into those ridiculously blue eyes, who else knew her like that? She wanted to feel it again, that total release. The irony that it was Will Riker of all people, did not escape her.   
“Do you want me to stay?” Teasingly, she took his hands guiding them to her hips.  
“Very much,”  
“You are not to tell anyone about this.” she thumbed his bottom lip.  
“my lips are sealed.” Drawing his face down she kissed the grin he gave her. His lips tasted of the whisky he had drunk, smokey and dark. Fingers curling into his hair, she pulled him closer, kissed him harder. They pulled at each others clothes, seeking a more intimate touch. “slow down,” he muttered, his breath tickled her ear. “Are you sure?”  
“As long as you don’t call me cute again” They were skin to skin now, Laren ran her fingers up his spine, delighting in the way he moaned and shivered at her touch.  
“How about beautiful? Can I call you that?” His tongue grazed her neck, raising goosebumps and sparking sharp hot flares of need in her brain.   
“Acceptable,” Laren groaned as he explored her body with lips and finger tips. She was already wet from anticipation when those long fingers slipped between her legs. His fingers fucked her, sliding in and out, while his hard cock pressed against her belly. She nuzzled his collar bone, he tasted of salt and smelt of the iron in his human blood. She pulled away a little so she could look into his eyes.  
“You know for a human, you are quite pretty.” Her hands skimmed down his ribcage and across the taunt muscles of his belly.  
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”  
“It is.” Laren pushed Will down onto the couch, he sprawled there looking up at her, one hand lightly stroking his erection. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, she straddled him. She wasn’t ready to let him in just yet, remembering he liked to be baited and teased, anything to make the moment last longer and she liked that. Liked the fact he would let her do what she wanted. Instead, she let his cock rest against her clit and just let him feel her wetness.  
“I missed this” Will groaned. Laren mashed her mouth against his, their teeth clicked together with the force of the kiss. He kissed her back, biting down gently on her bottom lip before transferring his attention to the nibbling the sensitive skin of her neck. Laren wrapped her arms around the familiar broad shoulders, glorying in the way his back muscles flexed and strained under her touch. He pushed her away a little and gazed up at her with a suggestive glint in his eyes.   
“Beautiful, shall we go to the bedroom?”  
“Why?”  
“I want to make you come, please” he he lifted her chin and ran a gentle fingertip along her kissed bruised lips.  
“How?”  
“I think you know” he ran his tongue along his teeth and grinned dirtily. Ro bit her lip, she knew what he was suggesting. Her body was already responding, she felt suddenly hot and her breath caught in her chest. “So? Is that a yes?” Will raised his eyebrows at her. She nodded not trusting herself to form a coherent sentence. His hands hooked under her thighs and he stood up, lifting her effortlessly. Ro clung to him for the few steps it took to get to the bed, where he dropped her on her back and then lay down next to her.  
Will’s lips touched her shoulder,“you ready?” She mustered another nod, the kisses continued across her collar bone. Little explosions against her naked skin. Two supernovas flared in quick succession as he paused to suckle her nipples, before working down between her breasts. Laren tangled her fingers in his hair, her belly trembled as he drew wet spirals ever downwards. He stopped and she groaned in disappointment. She opened her eyes and found him staring up at her, smiling slightly, like he was waiting for her too look. He held her gaze and agonisingly slowly dipped his head lower. His tongue touched her licked her, then pushed inside.  
“Will, that’s it. Does it taste good” his tongue was   
“you always taste sweet.”he lapped at her clit, then sucked hard. Ro jerked her legs spread wide, she was soaking wet, drowning in pleasure. Her back arched she grabbed Wills hands pulling him into a tight embrace and hanging on as the shudders died away. “I’ve got you,” he hummed in her ear, rubbing her back, while her breath huffed out in half gasped nonsense on his shoulder. He stroked her face, “have you had enough?”  
“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Ro wrapped her legs around his hips, greedily she pulled him inside. All thought faded away, there was just the juddering driving visceral needs of their bodies. She wanted more and dug her nails into the bucking muscles of his ass, matching him thrust for thrust.  
“Laren” his voice was a strangled groan of pleasure, some where on the edge of her hearing. Her hands pulled him closer as they rocked together perfectly in sync and then she melted, her mind going white as the tension building in her belly disappeared taking the top of her head with it. Will collapsed on her, breathing hard.   
“Will, you are getting heavy”  
“Sorry about that” he grinned and rolled off, throwing his hands behind his head, she listened to him try and master his breathing. “you are amazing Ro Laren.”   
“Save the flattery,” She kissed him lightly and played with his chest hair for a moment. Reality was already bursting into their little bubble. “You know we can’t do this again” Ro said softly, Will sighed.  
“I guessed as much.” his arm snaked round her waist, there was a resigned look in his eyes. “it’s not really appropriate is it.”  
“Will, you are my CO. Things could get complicated.” she brushed his now unruly fringe out of his eyes, deciding that he looked best like this; messy hair, eyes bright and for once, totally relaxed.  
“Things are already complicated.”  
“I should go.” Unsuccessfully she tried to banish the reluctance from her voice. Laren had no real desire to go back to her own quarters and a cold lonely bed.  
“Stay until morning? I’ll make you breakfast.” he suggested softly.   
“Will-”  
“Laren, it’s been a really stressful few weeks, and-” his voice stuttered into silence, he let go of her waist and turned over, scrunching the pillow under his cheek. “Forget it.”  
“What are you trying to say Will?” Her fingers traced the curve of his shoulder.  
“Why be alone if we don’t have to?”  
“I guess our lives can stand a little more complication.”  
“Thank you” Will muttered from the depths of the pillow. Laren lay back down and curled her self against the reassuringly solid warmth of his back. His hand sought out hers.  
“Just for tonight.”


	2. comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry i couldn't just leave it, so this one set after outcast s5x17. Will and Laren are messed up, but i love them..so get ready for a series of canon compliant friends with benefits codas.

Will tried to lose himself in the warp distorted stars as they streaked past the windows of ten forward. He had come to the Enterprise’s bar in the vague hope that being around other people would ease the load off his heart; it wasn’t working. The happy buzz of conversation grated on his ears, exasperating his loneliness dragging him further into self recrimination. He sensed her sit down opposite him, he heard a soft sigh.   
“I’m fine” he growled.  
“I know you are not.” Deanna countered softly. Will couldn’t look at her, couldn’t bear to see the sympathy he knew would be shining in her eyes. He didn’t want sympathy, he didn’t want to feel anything. ‘oh god just let me be numb’ he screamed in his mind, Deanna flinched picking up on his distress.  
“Sorry” he muttered, the last thing he needed was more guilt. Her fingers closed over his clenched hands.  
“Will, it wasn’t your fault”  
“We both know that’s not true. Soren-” just saying her name made his breath snag painfully in his chest, for a moment he couldn’t speak. “She trusted me and I let her down.”  
“You did your best”  
“Did I? Because it doesn’t feel like it. What they did to her.” his voice broke and he snapped his mouth shut.   
“you didn’t know this would happen.”  
“I did, she told me how dangerous it was, I should have backed off.”  
“Love isn’t always rational.”  
“yeah well” he shrugged and pulled his hands away, “doesn’t matter now.”  
“Will-”  
“Deanna, I really don’t want to talk about this, at least not yet. Please I need some time to think.” he finally let himself meet her eyes. “I just need time” he tried to project reassurance, Deanna seemed unconvinced. She pursed her lips and let out another sigh.  
“alright Will, but we need to talk about this.” She stood up, pausing to squeeze his shoulder as she passed. “Get some sleep, you look terrible.” Then she was gone, leaving him alone with the stars again.  
He had managed to lose himself in a revelry of what ifs and maybes, his mind entirely focused inwards trying to push down the recriminations and regret; when he sensed someone else staring at him. “Uh Commander?”  
“What do you want Lieutenant Barclay?” Will tried to keep the anger from his voice, even so Reg took a step back, almost cowering.  
“I’m um sorry sir, only Doctor Crusher wanted to know if you are coming to the rehearsal tonight.”  
“Rehearsal? What are you talking about?”  
“For ‘The crucible’” Reg’s hands fluttered nervously, “1900hours sharp!” he added jauntily.  
“No, I will not be attending” Will turned his attention back to the stars, he could still sense Barclay hovering behind his shoulder. He had forgotten about Beverley’s play.  
“Sir, I know it is none of my business-”   
“you’re right it isn’t”  
“I’m sorry for what happened-”  
“I’d stop now Reg” Will growled, clenching his fist. He gritted his teeth reminding himself that however good it would feel to scream in Reg’s face, the lieutenant was only trying to help.   
“And if you would like to talk, I’m uh here for you sir” Reg ploughed on doggedly.   
“Thank-you” Will managed thinking Reg would leave then, instead he felt two awkward pats on his shoulder.  
“We have all been unlucky in love sir.”  
“I beg your fucking pardon!” the last tattered thread of Will’s usually iron clad self control frayed away and he surged to his feet. He aimed a vicious kick at his chair, sending it flying backwards into the next table. The couple dining there jumped up as their drinks cascaded onto the floor. Will took an angry step towards Barclay, who backed away, his eyes round with shock. “You think that’s all it was? bad luck!”   
A scandalous silence had fallen over Ten forward, every eye was on him. Guinen emerged from behind the bar, her face creased into a concerned frown. “They took her from me, do you understand Lieutenant?” Will lurched forward and poked Reg in the chest, hard. The lieutenant stumbled backwards, tripping over his own feet and landing on the deck with an undignified thump. “and there was nothing I could do about it.”  
“Will, this isn’t the place” Guinen’s low voice rang out softly, he stared at her, than at the mess he had made. He looked down at Reg, who was trying to gather himself back together. Will pulled the discombobulated engineer to his feet. “Sorry Reg, I know you are just trying to help.” Helplessly, he looked around the shocked onlookers, trying to think of something to say. The words wouldn’t come, he was lucky nobody had called security. He fastened his eyes to the deck to avoid the sympathy laden gazes and blundered from the room. 

Cheerfully door chime rang out again, Will raised his head from his couch and stared at it belligerently, who ever was out there was not giving in. The sound rang out over and over, irritating the headache starting to nag at his temple. He managed to stand the determined chirp for another thirty seconds, before he snapped. “Come in!” Ro Laren strode through the doors, she stopped abruptly, shocked probably, to find him sprawling on his couch like an undisciplined first year cadet. Will felt chagrined enough to sit up.  
“What do you want Laren?”  
“I came to see how you are doing”  
“So you heard about what happened in Ten forward.”  
“From three different people.” Laren folded her arms. “Three different versions too.”  
“Shit” Will groaned, he rubbed his face and reached out for a bottle that was sitting on the coffee table. The whisky sloshed as he poured himself a more than generous measure, “here’s to the prime directive, Cheers” he held up the glass, in mock salute and then swallowed the whisky in one gulp. Laren raised an eyebrow at him.  
“that’s not synthehol is it?”  
“Nope not this time, 30 year old scotch, won it in a card game on DS4.” he grinned at her tossing the bottle from had to hand.  
“And you think drowning your sorrows will help how?”  
“Sarcasm? Thanks”  
“Come on Will, this isn’t you.”  
“you are wrong, this is me when I don’t know what the hell else to do,” bitterness poisoned his words, “There is nothing I can do, I let them take her away.” He stared at the glass in his hand, his mind flashing back to the moment the j’naii guards had dragged Soren away from him, the fear on her face had terrified him. He threw it over his shoulder angrily and took a swig from the bottle instead.  
Unsatisfyingly, the glass failed to smash against the wall. It bounced off and hit the deck instead with a disappointing thump. Laren just stared at him. Will heard her resigned sigh, she crossed the floor in two quick strides and sat on the edge of the coffee table, hunkering down so she could look him in the eye. “I know it hurts,” Laren reached out and took the bottle from him, prying his fingers loose. She held it up for a second, took a swig and pulled a disgusted face. She glared at Will “that’s foul, there are better tasting ways to get blind drunk.” Laren sniffed the top of the bottle and gagged. “Why do humans drink this stuff, it’s like you want to get out of it, but you want to punish yourself as well?”  
“Maybe that’s it” Will tried to grab the bottle from her hand, it was a half hearted swipe. Laren shook her head and glared at him again. “You are not drinking any more of this, find a better coping mechanism” She moved the bottle out of his reach placing it ceremonially behind her. Will made himself meet her gaze, the concern he saw in her eyes hurt. It made his own eyes prickle, he tried to dash the repressed tears away, but more replaced them. He pressed his palms against his eyes, the tears squeezed between his fingers.  
“Oh Will” he felt her fingers brush his neck, before settling on his shoulder. Her touch broke him, he had been holding him self away from everyone. His chest ached from pushing down the hurt, now it slithered out of his throat; a long low moan followed by an unstoppable sob.  
“I don’t know what to do”  
“It’s okay, right now you don’t have to do anything.” she tugged at his hands, “look at me Will, please.” Will let his hands drop into his lap and peered up at her. Instant shame engulfed him, the blood rushed to his cheeks.  
“I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry.” he mumbled, Laren just blinked at him in surprise, before her expression turned incredulous.  
“Why are you apologising?”  
“Because you shouldn’t be dealing with this.”  
“Koss Will!, you have to learn to take the uniform off”  
“I thought we decided not to do that again” it was a bad joke, Will had no idea where it came from. It just landed on the tip of his tongue, and escaped his mouth before he could stop it. Laren’s eyes narrowed, she smiled brittlely and nodded.   
“Will, if you were any more uptight, you wouldn’t be able to breath.”  
“That’s rich coming from Ro Laren”  
“Yeah well, if I think it’s bad, then it’s bad Will.” she stroked his cheek, “I’m worried about you.” she took his hand, slim fingers squeezing tight. “Just tell me.” her hand gripped his more tightly, she leaned forward, “I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” Defeated by the resolution in her eyes, Will let out a sigh.  
“Alright” he muttered. “That last time I saw Soren,” saying her name made his chest ache all over again, “it wasn’t her. Who she was, was gone just gone.” he paused as the sobs crawled back up his throat, “and that is what nobody gets, whatever that was I left on J’naii it wasn’t Soren.” Will bit his lip as the tears returned, he couldn’t stop them this time. “I lost her.”   
“it wasn’t your fault and you can’t let it eat you up inside, trust me don’t feed that predator”  
“I really loved her” numbness spread through him, the anger dissipating into a miserable grey fog of hopelessness,  
“I know.” she stroked his disordered hair, “you are allowed to be angry. They took her Will. They took her and they hurt her. But they did that, not you.”   
“I should’ve saved her, it feels like she died.”   
“when the cardassians killed my father, I blamed myself for not saving him.” The admission hurt her. He could tell from the counterfeit calm of her voice, he saw the unshed tears hanging in her eyes.   
“Laren you were a child, it wasn’t your fault”  
“Maybe but for a long time, I thought it was.”  
“There was nothing you could have done.”  
“and you did everything you could to save Soren, I know you did. You have to believe that”  
“I wish I could” he muttered voice strangling in his throat, he felt sick. “Ever since alpha Onias three, I’ve felt this emptiness inside. Like something is missing.” He stuttered groping after words that wouldn’t come. That place, that world had given him a glimpse of a life he had never thought he wanted and ripped open an old festering wound.“I didn’t feel that when I was with her.”  
“and now you feel like you are alone.”Laren concluded quietly. Will nodded, too embarrassed to admit she was right out loud. He stared at the carpet feeling small and exposed.  
“You are not alone, Will.”  
“you sound like Deanna”  
“Maybe, you should talk to her”  
“I can’t not about this.” Will’s mind baulked at the idea of that conversation, it brought up too many feelings he thought he had resolved. “I just can’t.” Fingertips stroked along his jaw and gripped the point of his chin. Will didn’t resist as Laren tilted his head up.  
“There you are Riker.” she smiled at him sadly and dropped a platonic kiss on his forehead. “Will when I got here I had nothing,” She paused, fussing with his fringe, smoothing the disordered strands back into a semblance of neatness. “But now, for the first time in a long time; I have friends. Look at what you have, people care about you.” she was looking at him so earnestly, it made him half smile.  
“I know, I guess I’m being pathetic.” Will muttered, trying not to sound too self pitying.  
“maybe a little” Laren’s eyebrow twitched, “but you should ask yourself why I’m the only one you let see you like this.”  
“like what?”  
“Vulnerable” she explained simply. She was right, again. Will made himself really think about that, examine the void losing Soren had left in his heart. “Why do you think that is?” He took her free hand, rubbing his thumb across the knuckles. Part of him wanted to deflect Laren’s concern. It was tempting to bury the last few weeks at the back of his mind, pretend it had never happened. That would be wrong though and then there was Laren; concerned enough with his well being to sacrifice her free time to drag him out of his self inflicted purgatory. He owed her some kind of explanation. He must have been silent too long because Laren let go of his chin and sat up.  
“Maybe because I don’t have to act with you.”  
“Because we are both acting?” For a second Will thought he had upset her. Laren’s brow furrowed, but she shrugged “Starting to think you know me too well Will Riker.” a lock of her hair fell across her eyes. Without thinking Will tucked it back behind her ear. His fingertips grazed her jaw, his touch made her cheeks flush and she looked away quickly.   
“Laren before the Enterprise, I was a selfish career driven asshole. I didn’t care enough about anyone to hold on to them. Even Deanna-”he stopped short of opening that particular can of worms. “I never let myself get close enough that losing them would hurt me.”  
“Neither did I. Prophets help me, you are messed up Will”  
“Thought you didn’t believe in the prophets.”  
“It still helps to have a deity to swear by.”The smile she gave him was wide and amused, Will was glad he had lifted her mood, even if his own was still black.  
“I’m going to have to apologise to Reg”  
“And to Guinen , also to ensign Gates and crewman Curtis, you ruined their anniversary dinner.” “oh.” Will whispered dejectedly, “I’ve really acted like a fucking idiot.” Laren shifted to sit beside him, she put an arm around his shoulders. He turned his head, resting his cheek against her collar bone. “I just want it to stop hurting.”  
“I know” he felt her lips brush his forehead and this time it didn’t feel platonic. Confused Will pulled away a little and met her gaze.  
“Laren, you don’t have to-” she pressed her lips against his shutting him up, despite the guilt bubbling in his mind, he kissed her back. “This is a bad idea” he told her when they broke for air.  
“It was a bad idea the first time. Do you want me to go?” There was no judgement in her voice.   
“No” Ashamed of his reaction and of himself for having it, he avoided her gaze. She stroked his thigh, a soul piercing gentle touch.   
“it’s okay Will. We are two very damaged people,” she breathed in his ear, sending a tingling sensation down his neck. “I think it’s okay if we want to get lost in each other. Better than drinking alone anyway.”   
“Not necessarily very healthy though.” It was nothing more than token resistance, a sop to his own shame. Smiling, Laren straddled him, her lips brushed against his teasingly.  
“maybe not, but much more fun.”  
“True” Will grasped her hips, pulling her closer. A moan of anticipation was his reward, the sound echoed round his skull, erasing all the rational reasons of ‘why this was a bad idea’; Before hurtling down his spine to add to the sudden tightness in his pants. Laren unzipped his uniform jacket, pushing it over his shoulders. Will shrugged it off, tossing it to one side. Then suddenly impatient he pulled the black undershirt over his head. Laren tugged at his fly of his trousers, her hand reached inside and closed around his shaft. Will’s head slumped back against the couch as she stroked and squeezed him.   
“Do you want me?” Will barely heard her, she mouthed the sensitive skin of his neck and ground her crotch against his hardness.  
“Yes.” Half assent, half plea.   
“Will, look at me,”She stood up and unfastened her jacket, slowly she stripped her eyes never left his face.  
Will reached out grasping her hips, pulled her closer and nibbled at her panties. His cock twitched as his tongue felt her small hard clit through the silky stuff, he hooked them with a finger and pulled them to one side. Pressing his tongue against her clit he took a long taste, she responded with a thrust of her hips pushing his tongue inside. He opened his mouth wider sucking her, plunging his tongue in deep.   
He let out a disappointed noise when she pushed him away. Which turned to delighted anticipation as she turned round knelt down and glanced over her shoulder. Will hunkered down and kissed the quivering tautness of her buttocks, he let his fingers slide between her legs. She squirmed against him, he peppered the base of her spine with light kisses and pressed his cock into the warm slippery depths. He attempted to enter slowly, but Laren backed up against him. She hugged his arms around her waist and sat up. Will could feel her muscles rippling under his hands, the hot sweet rhythmic pressure as she rode him, was hard to bear. His mind emptied, there was just this. He let his fingers slide between her legs to fondle her clit. Laren jerked in his arms, “Will” their straining bodies were slicked with sweat. He wanted to come so badly.  
“Laren” he hissed her name through gritted teeth, forcing his body to wait, drawing out the moment for as long as he could. She tightened around him buttocks thrusting against his hips with more vigour, breath huffing out in an uninhibited moan. Suddenly the friction disappeared in a moment of luscious fire as Laren came, his fingers were drenched with her juices. He lost control, the spring coiled at the base of his belly, snapped. Will let go, driving himself into her as she came again. Riding the lightening letting their conjoined bodies become the universe for a moment, he forgot his pain, forgot his lost love. He held on tight as their breathing returned to normal. He could feel her heart thumping against his skin, his own he thought must be audible. “Christ” not very eloquent but it was all he could muster,  
“Told you it’s handy to have a deity” Laren laughed shakily and leaned her head against his shoulder. Will hugged her tight and kissed her cheek.   
“Thankyou” he whispered feeling awkward.   
“You don’t have to thank me Will.” she turned round, looking at him with amusement in her eyes. She kissed him quickly and drew back smiling. “I better get going, early shift tomorrow.” Regretfully, fingertip’s caressed his jaw. “And this time, we should really not do this again. However good it feels-” Laren paused and shook her head. “if somebody finds out, well I don’t want to deal with the gossip.”   
“yeah I suppose,” Will muttered, knowing he probably sounded pitiful. He watched Laren fish her clothes from the floor. The loneliness was creeping back, Will bit his lip. “How about we stop in the morning” he suggested. Laren froze, her uniform jacket dangling from her fingers.  
“I suppose that is rational.” Laren agreed. It was a lie they both understood that. She dropped her jacket on the floor and sauntered towards him. Will clasped her close, burying his face in her hair.  
“So after tomorrow morning-”   
“Never again.” Her hands stroked down his spine and gripped his buttocks possessively.  
“Never.”


	3. home sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so it continues...this one set after 5x24 the next phase, where geordi and Ro are thought to be dead..and no i am not sorry..not even a little bit.

Ro left Geordi in Ten forward, eating his way through the remains of the funeral buffet. Now she was huddled on the couch in her quarters, attention entirely focussed on a small painting a Bajoran friend had sent her. For a moment, she had thought she was really dead. It had all come rushing back, the adults singing the death chant for her father. Their droning voices spiralling up on dusty breeze of the desert camp. All the stories and songs from a world she could not remember. Home, what an absurd idea! She may have been born on Bajor, but she barely recalled it. Still she ached to belong somewhere, to be able to trust that it wasn’t just another stop on the way. Laren flinched as the door chimed. “Come in.” she raised her eyes briefly, it was Will. Laren had been half expecting him. He stood near the door, hands behind his back anxiety furrowing his brow.   
“Are you okay?”  
“I don’t think okay is the right word.” His presence always made her pulse quicken, it was becoming a little worrying. ‘Never again’ had become a lie they told each other. Two days ago, on the way to the bridge, she had impulsively kissed Will in the turbolift. There had been an illicit thrill to it; pulling apart the second the doors opened and walking on to the bridge as if nothing had happened. It had been a reckless thing to do, but then Laren was starting to see the value of a little recklessness.   
“I see” Will said softly and wandered over to the couch. “What’s this?” he picked the painting up carefully and examined it.  
“It’s a copy of the icon of B’hala, the sacred city of Bajor, an old friend sent it to me.”  
“Oh” Laren heard the confusion he tried to hide, she almost smiled, that was the reaction any mention of her home world always inspired. People wanted to ask, but were afraid to. In case it upset her some how, as if being Bajoran rendered you so fragile a wrong word could smash you like brittle glass. She let out a huff of frustration; enough.  
“it’s lost, been lost for centuries. My farther used to tell me stories about it.” She couldn’t stop the shake in her voice, her cheeks coloured.  
“You don’t talk about your father much.” Will put the painting down with exaggerated care.  
“I don’t remember much or maybe I don’t want to.” Laren looked down at her hands, she didn’t want to talk about her father it was like poking at a rotten tooth. Her thoughts scrambled looking for a way to change the subject, “What were you going to say about me? At the funeral, my eulogy?”  
“What?” Will took a step back eyes widening in guilty surprise.   
“I heard you in the turbolift with Picard.”  
“Oh right” he was biting his lip, a sad smile crooked his mouth.   
“So Will, what were you going to say?”   
“Why do you want to know”  
“I just want to know” Laren insisted and stood up, folding her arms tightly over her chest, physically reining in her tumbling feelings.  
“I was going to say how much I missed you. Laren, believe it or not I do care about you.” He took a step toward her hands open wide, but stopped abruptly when she took an involuntary step back.  
“Were you going to tell them about us?” her throat constricted a little.  
“Maybe” he shrugged  
“Why would you do that?”  
“I was going to tell them about my friend Ro Laren, who drove me crazy with her insubordinate sarcasm, but also picked me up off the floor more times than I’d like to admit.” he sat down on the couch and looked up at her, blue eyes pleading with her. “Laren let me help you up this time, I owe you.”  
“That’s sweet, I hate it when you are sweet.” Her voice caught in her throat, that was a lie. What she hated, was the way any tenderness shown made her feel; raw and exposed. “when I was phased I shot you in the head with a romulan disruptor-” She admitted and stared at the floor. “Can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.” that prompted a dark chuckle from Will. He shook his head and scrubbed at his face.  
“I probably deserved it” he said with a wry smile. Gingerly, Laren sat down.”You look tired.”  
“It’s been a long day, dying is surprisingly hard work.” Will took her hand, he was quiet for a moment. Something was clearly bothering him.   
“I’m sorry I snapped at you in the transporter room.” he admitted softly. “I’ve spent the last two days regretting that my last words to you were so-” he paused grimacing, “So harsh.” It hurt how much regret she could see in his eyes. “I just kept wishing I could take them back. I thought I was never going to see you again.” She hated the way his pain cut her, part of her wanted it to stop; this wretched need, buzzing under her skin.   
“No, don’t say that,” she tried to hide the hitch in her chest, and failed. “I don’t want losing me hurt you that much.”   
“Laren, I’ve let you come close enough to hurt me,” he laughed a little, sad eyes flashed over her quickly. He let go of her hand and clenched his own together in his lap. “I care about you” Laren could sense the nervousness radiating off him, he avoided her eyes.  
“It’s okay Will” she told him softly reaching out to unclench his hands, “I know, come here” she drew his arms around her. Not wanting to admit that she cared about him too, not sure if she was able to cope with the feeling. After a moments hesitation Laren buried her face into his chest, the odd rhythm of his human heart thumped against her cheek. “I really thought I was dead.”  
“I’m glad you’re alive” he cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.   
“Will, I lost everyone I ever loved in the camps” the scalding hot tears came unbidden, she let them come.   
“You’re alright, you’re safe.” he rocked her a little,   
“you don’t understand.”she looked up, her fingers curled round his neck. “I thought it had happened again, I thought I’d lost everything again.”  
“Laren-”  
“All of this, all of you are just temporary, how am I supposed to trust it? It could all be gone in a second.”   
“I’m not going anywhere, neither is the crew, you are home Laren”. Home, that word again with all it’s confusing connotations, impulsively Laren lifted her hands catching his face. She kissed him deeply, Will licked his lips and grinned at her. “I didn’t think I’d get a chance to tell you-” he stuttered to a stop biting his lip. Laren stood up abruptly not wanting him to finish that sentence.   
“I need a shower, I’ve been wearing this uniform for two days.”  
“Do you want me to go?” Quickly concealed disappointment flashed in his eyes.   
“No” she admitted, “and I think you know that.” she held out her hand, Will stood up gripping her fingers tight.  
“Laren I’m trying to tell you something-” she cut off his words with another kiss.   
“Like I said I know, but can’t we just have this for now? Please.”  
“Okay” He tilted his head, “What ever you need.” Laren stepped back, unzipping her uniform jacket.   
“Scrub my back?” She suggested and walked towards her bathroom. She shrugged out of the jacket and threw it over her shoulder. Grinning, Will caught it.  
“Sonic or water” He called jogging after her.  
“I feel like getting wet.”  
“I’m never going to get tired of looking at that” Will grinned widely. He leaned in the door way arms folded; looking at her from under those ridiculously thick lashes with frank admiration.   
“So are you coming in or are you content to watch?” Laren ran her hands over her hips and then down, slipping a finger inside her self. Will watched her eyes widening. He reached up to unzip his jacket.  
“Slowly” Laren told him. He tilted his head and raised an amused eyebrow, even so he slowed down.  
“do you remember the turbolift last month?” Will asked grinning as he pulled off his clothes. She remembered, the memory filled her belly with sudden heat.  
“When that metamorph was on board and you were so parash-sed that you couldn’t wait until we got to your quarters?” The smile that curved her lips was unstoppable.  
“Yeah.” he kicked his pants to one side.“You want to do that again?” he sauntered forwards, hands reaching to grip her hips. Laren let him catch her, she pulled him under the warm spray of water; in a second his hair was plastered to his head.   
“I wouldn’t say no.” Laren pushed his wet fringe back and let her fingertips wander along his jaw and down to trace his collar bone. Will bent his head, lips suckled her neck her breath caught in her chest. “Will” his name escaped in a soft moan. His finger tips stroked down her spine sparking red hot shudders. She slipped her hands over the broadness of his chest. ‘Built for safety’, Deanna had told her one night, after a little too much synthehol. She was right, snuggled securely in that embrace it was impossible not to feel safe. Her hands travelled lower, elicitating a low groan from Will as her fingers gripped his already hard shaft. Squeezing the base, the way she knew he liked, then letting her fingertips travel up wards to caress the slippery sensitive tip. His roving fingers grazed her inner thighs, found her wet folds and fingered her clit. She pushed against his hand, he acquiesced to the silent plea, sliding two fingers inside while his thumb massaged the hard bump of her clit.   
“That feels good.” his breath tickled her ear, hands sliding over wet skin lifting her, ro wrapped her legs around his hips. The itch was building, clinging to his shoulders she ground herself against his cock. For a dangerous moment they tottered, then the wall was at her back, the cold tiles a delicious shock against her hot skin. Will lifted her hips and shifted, he let out a groan of utter abandon as he sank inside of her. Laren wriggled her hips buttock muscles tightening, sending a wave of unstoppable euphoria surging through her system. Prophets she loved this, she loved this moment. Loved hearing him sob out her name as they got lost together. Loved the salt on his skin, the feel of her passion bruised lips, loved the way her thoughts would fritter away because this moment was the only one that mattered. Let herself love him, just for an instant.   
And then the instant was over, the wave washed her back to herself. She clung to Will’s neck listening to their hearts thumping. They stayed like that for a while, shaking, gasping letting the water wash over them. Will lifted his head first. He cupped her jaw there was something in his eyes, he almost looked scared.“Laren-” . Don’t, she mouthed the words. He hesitated, looking away. Goosebumps prickled as his palms slipped over her the wet skin of her thighs, he let her down slowly.   
“Don’t say it” shaking her head she covered his mouth. “don’t”. Will pulled her fingers away, smiling sadly.  
“I love you,” he breathed the words, he believed it too.   
“No Will” she planted a brief kiss on his lips and pushed him away.   
“why are you so afraid of this?” there was no judgement in his tone, just bewildered hurt. “You don’t feel the same way do you?” he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, for once he seemed off balance. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll go”. He walked back into the lounge. Ro followed him slapping the shower off and pulling on her robe. She watched him dress feeling? well she didn’t really know. Folding her arms and pressing her tongue against her teeth, she tried to find the words. Not wanting to tell the truth, knowing that maybe she should just let him walk away.  
“I don’t know what this thing is between us” it came out a lot angrier than she intended. Will stood up straight and turned round.   
“Because I am your XO?”  
“No, because I don’t know how this supposed to feel.” Tightening the belt on her robe and she took a breath. She could see Will was confused, the hurt laden gaze he turned on her cut her deeply.  
“What is that supposed to mean? Ro just tell me.” Anger spiking in his voice he stepped away from her, then looked embarrassed at his reaction. “I’m sorry”  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“Please?” he pleaded, hands held wide.  
“I um” biting her lip she tried to form her conflicting feelings into a coherent sentence, “I’ve never let myself feel this way, I’m not sure I like it. I’m not even sure I want it.”   
“I see” Will let out a huff of frustration and sat down heavily, Laren wondered if he really understood. “Why?”   
“I’m still not sure I belong on this ship.” Laren admitted even though it hurt to say the words out loud. “I’m not sure I’m home yet.” she crossed the floor to stand over him, stroked her fingers through his passion mussed hair. “I don’t expect you to understand.”  
“You’re right I don’t.” Will muttered, misery radiating from every pore. Glancing away he licked his lips. “but, I thought I lost you, I thought you died”  
“What’s your point Will” he got up slowly and took her by the shoulders, expression inscrutable.  
“ I wanted to tell you, I thought I wouldn’t get the chance.” his voice hitched in his chest, the unshed tears in his eyes tore at Laren’s defences. “I just wanted you to know that you are not on your own anymore. I love you, you are my friend.”  
“And if I decide we are not doing this any-more?”  
“we’ll still be friends, laren whether I care about you or not does not hinge on us sleeping together.”  
“You know I do though” Laren stuttered, unable to look at him, she fiddled with her earring. Will’s arms embraced her from behind, his breath tickled her ear.   
“I know, you don’t have to say it, it’s alright.” he kissed the nape of her neck and released her waist. “You want me to go?” Laren turned round to look at him. Sooner or later she would have to say goodbye, she knew that with a rock hard certainty that she could not explain.   
“No, maybe tomorrow.”


End file.
